According to a 2002 study by the American Institute for Men's Health in conjunction with The American Heart Association, there is a good chance that becoming the indianhousehusband is going to kill me! It is a fact, house husbandry is officially bad for my health. The study found that "fathers that chose to stay at home have an 82% higher chance of heart disease"! How scary is that? My blood pressure has risen just typing it and I have started to projectile sweat - though that might have something to do with the fact that it is in the 40's for the 5th week on the trot- I am struggling to sleep at night and I am off my food. Do these studies become self fulfilling prophecies or is there some fact behind them? Further research revealed even more disturbing news. High achieving women are three times more likely to suffer a stroke! It appears that 'A' and I are seriously jeopardising our health by choosing to change roles. They give no reason as to why this should be but hypothesise that in both cases it is to do with increased stress. What is it that makes women feel the pressure more than men at work and vice-versa for men in the home? More to the point why do 'A' and I seem to be bucking the trend? 'A' positively thrives on the stress and I feel healthier than I have in three years (coincidentally since I last went back to work).
I was pondering these facts while travelling to the gym -in the vain hope it would lower my now ballooning blood pressure- in an auto-rick when I realised just being in the "rick" travelling on the manic Delhi roads was probably shortening my life expectancy so why worry about it. Unfortunately worry I did because you see that is what I do. Worry!! In fact that is what all us male Conde's do. Worry. If there was an Olympic event for worrying my dad would now be sir Jim Conde after winning 5 golds on the trot. I have always denied it but If truth be told I would be Matthew Pinsent to his Steve Redgrave. I worry about the minor things like Rafa breaking into a sweat (anything from chronic dehydration to Ebola in my eyes), to Iran developing a nuclear weapons capability (surely imminent if I have nothing else to worry about). I actually laugh at 'A' because she is a worrier yet this is just a big macho facade, the tears of a clown to hide the fact that life in general terrifies me. I do my best worrying on public transport on my own and thus started drifting into worry world on the way to the gym.
The worry this time is that I have never really been much good at anything. The fact that I feel more suited to being a house husband might have something to do with the fact that I have been crap at pretty much everything else. I am worried that if I fail the course I am about to do there really is nothing left for me to try! If I did find something new to try what would then happen if i was crap at that as well? Oh no the blood pressure is now sky high and I think I could actually pop it here in the "rick"!
A set of traffic lights snaps me out of it. When you pull up at a set of lights in Delhi you snap out of what ever you are thinking of because all of a sudden the draught stops and the heat hits you. It is a heat like nothing else, the sun beats down through the vinyl roof and up from the asphalt through the metal floors slowly roasting you. A drip of sweat on my legs and a tap on my arm from a child of Rafa's age begging makes me realise that life holds no fears for me. A huge amount of what you see in this wonderful country of contradictions makes you realise you have nothing to worry about at all. Most people reading this (if anyone does) have been born in to incredible privilege and should be hugely thankful. I now know that the path you choose doesn't really have any influence on your chances of suffering a stroke, no one can say what percentage chance of getting heart disease I have and nothing is preordained. It is all about how you cope with the day to day struggle that we all have and actually trying to enjoy it. When all is said and done I am tremendously lucky, reasonably fit and incredibly happy. I am just worried now it will all go wrong!!
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