The Indianhousehusband is looking like he could be out of a job! As of 2010, I am under notice that my position is going to be made redundant and I am seeking gameful employment as of today.
It is about time. I am afraid my 'maternity leave' has run its course and I am ready to start taxing my brain again in ways other than school runs and nappy changes. I am sharpening my cv and dusting down the suit ready to do battle with the other one hundred million in India looking for work!
With Rafa in school and Silas starting nursery I feel now is a good time to get back in the market and work out what I am going to do for the rest of my life. I have the full backing of 'A' who bought me a lovely alarm clock for Xmas. When I asked why I need an alarm clock she replied "Because you are getting a job in the new year", always the last to know in this house!
2009 was such a peculiar year for me. I had the ying: excitement and joy of moving to Delhi and spending some time with my beautiful boys. Mixed with the yang: The terrible news of my mums cancer. Fortunately, mum is on the mend and ready to come out and visit us and we can forget all about the bad times of 09 and get ready for a great 2010.
Christmas was terrific,despite missing family and friends we had a great day. Christmas eve was spent on a crazy dash around Delhi's various markets looking for sprouts! We eventually found them which gave us good reason to get the hoarded imported wine open and start the celebrations. After finally opening the last presents at about 7pm we got the kids to bed before collapsing ourselves not long after in a state of exhaustion.
On the 29th we flew down to Kovalam for some much needed r&r. We met up with friends of ours Sophia (or on-fire as she was christened by Rafa) and Peter. A better pair we couldn't have spent time with. While Peter and I got on with some serious Kingfisher annihilation the girls theorised about every single couple we saw and discussed what they would be buying in M&S food hall if they were at home! Once they had got their head's around the fact they couldn't get pain-au-chocolat and skinny latte's every morning things progressed quite nicely.
What is it with women? Why do they have to have a theory on people they have never met?
While sipping the first cold Kingfisher of the day my peace was constantly interrupted with "Definitely second marriage" or "I can't work those lot out at all" or "Must be a Thai bride job surely". I pointed out to 'A' that there was a good chance people were looking at us and saying "Can't work out what that skinny bird is doing with the hairy beer bellied bloke" but she shrugged it off with a lowering of the chin, a raising of the eyebrows and a vigorous shake of the head,(think Brucie having an asthma attack)! I carried on sipping my beer and reading my book only to be told 5 minutes later I am not as much fun as Sophia.
Apparently, when 'A' pulls the 'Brucie' face it means: don't look now but behind us is something you need to look at. Amanda knows not to actually say the words "Don't look now but...." because I just look immediately, thus spoiling her fun (I seem to remember an incident in Vietnam involving Swedish blonde twenty something girls kissing behind me, come on, who wouldn't look?). It spoils her fun because it is much better if I don't look. Miss it and she can spend the next 2 hours telling me she can't believe I missed it!
Only women understand the subtle eye and head movements used in bars and restaurants to point out something to be looked at surreptitiously, so when Sophia wasn't there I was useless,how was I supposed to join in? I have testicles!
I am useless at gossip, I have no ability to guess a woman's age by the bikini she wears or tell if someone is a single parent by what their child is wearing!More to the point I have no interest. I asked 'A' if I was really so boring to talk to that it was more fun guessing where random strangers come from and if they were on honeymoon and she replied without a seconds hesitation: Yes!
Am I alone here, or do other men find they spend large chunks of their holiday repeating themselves continually because their wife is actually straining every fibre of her body to hear what the German couple behind are talking about? It didn't help that she had an ear full of water and was completely mutton for 5 days and insisted on sitting with her good ear to the tables around us rather than towards me.
Despite all this it was a terrific way to spend new year, Rafa learnt how to surf, 'A' got a tan (thank the lord) and Silas ate his own body weight in sand. I just basked in the glow of my terrific family for a week and realised just how lucky we are. My mission now before next holiday is to learn the subtle art of female speculation on others and perfect my 'Brucie', obviously in-between trying to get a job.
Help!
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