My mother in law etc etc

My mother-in-law, I haven’t spoken to her now for two years. We haven’t fallen out, I just don’t like to interrupt her.

The standard bar room comedian joke from the 70’s sums up the cliché we all like to paint of the infamous MIL.

Mine is far from the Cliché though, she loves to talk and she loves the written word but she is more a fan of Keats and Shelly than Dawson and Manning.

We first met in 1999 and I am sure she was horrified that her beautiful, well-educated and spoken daughter had brought home this big lump with a cheap suit and K Town accent.

I don’t think in those early days we were sure what to make of each other and I don’t remember when exactly the middle ground was struck, time dims the memory, but it was more likely a mutual enjoyment of Shakespeare and literature than a love of cider and Liverpool FC.

We never debated the pros and cons of cloudy cider or the benefits of the zonal marking system, but we always seemed to be debating. There were never much in the way of silences around Brenda, apart from once in the early days when I mistakenly called her Barbara over dinner a couple of times!

Nearly all my amazing memories of Brenda involve food. A wonderful cook and an appreciative eater, food was never far from the agenda over the years. Her cooking is nothing short of magnificent and the fact her barbeque sauce is not on every Tesco shelf in the country is a crime.

Growing up in London in the sixties, Brenda’s parents were very Irish and Catholic. Brenda went to a Convent school and was instilled with the sort of strong beliefs and impeccable morals that last a life time. 

She met her husband Peter when the Mini and the fab four held sway over the world and they formed a bond that has kept them together for nearly 50 years.

Over the time I have known them, virtually the only days they spent apart has been while Brenda travelled back and forth to London to look after her mum who sadly passed away two years ago in her late 90’s

Like a lot of loving wive's, mother's and grandma's family is everything to her. Mother of three, grandma to four and wife to one, she is the glue that holds together a really beautiful family that I count myself lucky to be a part of.

The reason that I am banging on about Brenda is that we are going to lose her.

It was in the spring of 2011 that we first learnt she had cancer. There is never a good place to have cancer but there are plenty of bad ones and pancreatic is about the worst. Brenda has fought it all this time with amazing strength, courage and dignity but it looks now like there is only going to be one winner.

It’s a shockingly cruel blow. Death by a thousand cuts, losing her ability to enjoy food, get out walking, even the simple pleasure of reading the books she so dearly loves are gradually being taken away from her.

It has been sickening watching the family suffering, knowing that there is nothing you can say or do to ease it. Fielding questions from your own children about “Graminana” being ill and if she is going to live.

 Watching your wife trying to come to terms with the thought of losing someone so important to her is a tough place to be.

That tough place though doesn't compare to the admiration I feel for witnessing first hand a truly heroic husband who has summoned the strength of a thousand men to look after his every reason for living. 

Watching a close family come together in hope that there will be happy outcome only to see a tragically unfair ending.

That is cancer though; nothing is fair about it. I have lost too many loved ones and friends to it as have so many people, just really hoped this battle might have gone in our favor.

She is still hanging in there though Brenda, or Breezy as we now call her due to her wonderfully nicknamed wheel chair.

The distance between us hasn’t dimmed any of the hurt ‘A’ or I are feeling and I wish more than anything we weren’t so far away, ironically in a country she dearly loves.

I suppose really I just want to let her know that I am thinking about her and have loved all the great times we have shared over the years.

From the washed out barbeques and cooking sausages in the snow at Easter, to great times in France in swim wear glugging wine, it has been a pleasure to be part of the family.

Brenda is going to lose her battle but the memories of an amazing 14 years spent with her will last forever. I think I just want everyone who doesn’t know her to hear a little bit about what a great woman she is.

My Mother-in-law…………. She is really quite amazing, just wanted to let her know that I love her.