Saturday morning Siri Fort sports complex and the latest venue for the monthly British school dad's massacre. I wrote this intro 3 days before the latest game but things didn't quite go to plan. In a bizarre twist of fate and please whisper it,the British school dad's are in danger of forming a reasonably solid unit!
We turned up on a beautiful summer morning to be confronted by a site rarely seen before. A proper cricket ground! No mats, no cardio-thoracic hospital windows for Jamie to smash and no strange rock formations at deep mid wicket! We were all in whites and looking rather professional, ready to take on the team Toby (Henceforth to be called Splitter)Porter had put together from Save the Children.
We won the toss and with Splitter Porter captaining the sprightly looking STC team and buoyed by an inspirational team talk from Jamie- "It's going to get hot later so feel free to swing the bat" our openers Tim "Boycs" Bond and Adam "clubber" Leetham bounded to the crease looking confident and composed.
It is at this point I usually start talking about balls that stayed low and bad bounces off the mat but today was different. After having a good look at the bowling Adam settled in nicely and started to nudge the ball around purposefully before crashing the first boundary of the day off the second ball of the second over. With Tim holding up his end well we were looking in good nick.
With Charlie uttering the never before used phrase "are we really 12 for none?" it all came home how surreal this was. Two overs gone and nobody back in the hutch, it was a record and oh how they started tumbling after that. Adam was eventually out for 8 and came back in uttering something about "The opening bowler having a beautiful length" a comment nobody questioned any further! Tim was out for 12 after facing about 3500 balls - or so it felt - there was talk at one point of sending me in to run him out but we decided against it. Why bother when he is perfectly capable of doing it himself!
At the wicket we now had Bill "flashing blade" Ballenden and Vip "the V.I.P." Kumar. taking the bit firmly between their teeth they accelerated the run rate to 11 an over against a mixed bag of STC bowling. One guy was bowling from so far behind the wicket he was virtually in the pavilion with us while another ones action would have been deemed illegal in a chucking competition! You can however only deal with what is in front of you and deal they did. Flash hit a terrific 28 before succumbing to exhaustion while The VIP hit a stunning 40 not out with the sort of classy display deserving of a better set of team mates!
Jamie "hand eye" Heywood chipped in with his usual display of perfectly timed sweet spot shots and Tony "ow me hand" smith and debutant Alex "Baby faced assassin" Luke saw the 20 overs out.
An astonishing 121 for 5 from 20 overs!Records included not being bowled out, a new high score of 40 from the VIP,not losing a wicket in the first over and having more than one box to share!
With optimism in the air but also a realisation that it was a fairly flat track, we headed out to the field sweaty but eager. A faint whiff of a victory was circulating and we were in danger of becoming a credible team. Could we take the pressure? Would we crumble under the weight of expectation? Could I bowl an over without a wide?
The ball was handed to David "Dot-Ball" Mcbean to open and he snorted down the track to deliver the first of the day. A reasonable over ensued with STC falling behind the required run rate early. The second over was elegantly bowled by Richard "Slow Fingers" Downey who had warned the umpire before starting "You have to watch very carefully for the LBW decisions because I can turn the ball both ways". Another decent over, STC restricted to 11 off the first two, we were on our way.
With some further good stuff from Flashing blade and the VIP and some real eye candy leg spin from the Baby faced assassin flanked by some less than average stuff from myself Tony and Tim we managed to restrict STC to 101 and take a small margin in to our second innings.
I am afraid the old familiar story reared it's ugly head at the startof the second innings as Richard David and myself fell for 2,1 and 1 respectively. Things were starting to wobble. While Richard Downey didn't understand how you could be run out when you are in your crease, I didn't understand why I couldn't come up with one single excuse as to why I was out other than I am pretty shit!
Our ever reliable wicket keeper Charlie "the cat" Benson strolled to the crease with broad shoulders and a steely look in his eye to accompany the VIP and between them they gradually steered the game away from STC. The cat held his end up well for a credible 10 while the VIP blasted another rapid 30 before sportingly retiring.
Baby faced assassin added an elegant 8 and Hand eye an explosive 14 so we ended with 80 setting STC a target of 101 to win from 10 overs. Pick of the STC bowling was a fantastic 4 wicket over from The Splitter. Unfortunately for him, the old playground rule of 'can't be out on your first ball' meant his figures showed just the one! Laugh? Don't be silly, we felt very sorry for him!
So to the final innings. as STC ticked along at the required rate for the first 4 overs small panic was setting in. With the thought of a cider tent at the British High Commission fete sitting in the back of our minds the focus shifted slightly to upping the over rate rather than closing out the match. Then Jamie got his game face on and bought out Dot Ball, the VIP and Slow fingers to shore the match up. After Slow Fingers showed his winning appetite with an appeal for caught behind about an inch from the umpires face - his previous delivery was an inch outside off and was given a wide and well lets just say he wasn't too happy- it all came down to the final over.
Who would be trusted to take us home to a first victory? Who was the man for the big occasion? Who could take this amount of pressure on their broad shoulders? The skipper Hand eye, tossed the ball to me with this ringing endorsement.
"Here you Gareth, they need 37 to win surely you can't cock this up"!
I didn't. We won! Oh yes the BSD have won their first game and we confidently talked about the possibility of having a reasonable side all of a sudden. the problem is, I wont be able to get in it! Bring back the bad old days I say!