Posterity!

CHILDREN IN BED, 19.30

WIFE IN BED, 20.30 (AIDED BY KINGFISHER,QUALITY IMPORTED WINE AND GENERAL OVER EXCITEMENT!)

GARETH WITH NEW ARRIVAL OF INDIAN WINE SOCIETY IMPORTED HAMPER........... PRICELESS!!

An-noy-ing, adj. - To cause vexation or irritation!

I went to my first 'parent's evening' last night. Just when I thought this period of my life couldn't get any more surreal it suddenly has a damn good go!

Parent's evening! The two word's that would strike the fear of God into any school kid and a guarantee to bring on total panic in me and ultimately total apoplexy in my poor parents. I am just getting my head around the fact that I have a son at school when they spring Parent's evening on me.

My anxiety about it had been simmering away nicely, before finally spilling over into a mild panic attack an hour before we went. What if Raf has been hitting people? What if they don't think that he is as advanced as he should be? What if he has said "skin me up one time blood" - gangster parlance that his mother has taught him! - to one of the teachers? I was beside myself and suddenly realised that I was actually more scared about going to a parent's evening, than I used to be while waiting for my folk's to return from one. How ridiculous! I snapped myself out of it, calmed down and started to prepare excuses for whatever they might throw at us!

As it turned out it was a pleasant experience. We turned up at the school, met all the staff, looked around the classroom,had a little chat with the teachers and nearly left without incident. I say "nearly left" because there was just one little thing! We were looking at the 'house point' board and couldn't help but notice with some pride that Rafa was second. I say "notice with some pride", what actually happened was 'A' made a point of tapping on the pictures of all the other children Raf was beating and laughing while their respective parent's looked on!

I could have died of shame, while 'A' really doesn't get wound up by things like that. It is one of the 'little annoyance's' that we all have in our relationship's,others include the fact that I have to walk round the house after her turning off light switches - a real pain when you have 96 in the house -, She never closes a door and walks every where in the middle of the road (I am sure mine would be too extensive to list but would probably include the fact that I would actually walk around the house to count the light switches!).

The problem is I am quite easy to annoy.It is not just 'A', yesterday afternoon the boy's were at it. Every time I put Silli down he cried, it was impossible to eat in the same room as him as he wanted it and he is like a moth to a flame with anything he can't have. Raffi hit Silli every time I got him happy and settled, never -and I mean never- ever stops talking and can take an hour to eat a cheese butty.

What causes these annoyance's is that obviously we are all different and the fact that I understand this makes it more annoying! I know that opposites attract etc. etc. but sometimes 'A' and I are poles apart. Never mind singing off the same hymn sheet, most of the time we are in different churches. 'A' is so artistic yet I can't draw a straight line, everything she watches on TV I hate and vice versa, she is a morning person I am a night owl. She likes mayonnaise, shopping and muesli, I like ketchup, football and frosties'.

Despite all these little annoyance's and differences I adore them all. 'A' is about as close to being the perfect person as is possible, Raffi is the life and soul of the house and Silli is the most loving happy little baby you could ever wish for. Somehow,as a family we just seem to work. I don't know how or why and I am not sure what I contribute; but know my difficulty in absorbing the fact I have a child at school must be really annoying!

School Daze

Rafa has started school! I know it is the oldest cliche in the world but now the question really does need answering; WHERE DOES THE TIME GO? I am fairly sure he only came out of nappies 6 weeks ago and started talking only last week. This is how it seems to me anyway. There is definitely something in the space-time continuum that changes when you have children. It somehow makes time speed up for you, while simultaneously slowing it down for anyone without.

What exactly did we used to do with our lives before having children? I asked 'A' who seems to remember a lot of dining out, theatre and pubs. My recollection is pub's, Cat deeley on SMTV and the Hollyoaks omnibus and yet here I am planning the school run! What happened in between? Is this how it is for everybody? Time is slipping by so fast. Before I know it Raf is going to think I am a complete tosser and not want anything to do with me,'A' will have left me because I play golf too much - she can't bear to see me in golf slacks and polo shirts - and I will be 22 stone,living in a bedsit in Penge while working in a call centre.

This might all sound a bit dramatic but the problem is, my mind is having chance to idle again. With Rafa at school and Silli asleep my head has time to contemplate the future and it keeps veering off in the direction of the South circular and Penge in particular!

This is all I am sure, just my way of dealing with this very proud moment in a parent's life. I get all introspective and nostalgic, while 'A' just keeps crying! Packing the lunch box, little snivel. Rafa walking to car in his uniform, small sob, Rafa walking in to classroom, a tear shed but in control. Rafa bursting out of the school gate with his shirt un-tucked and his hat on yelling:

"Don't worry, I did everything the teacher told me to!"

Breakdown!!! I have to confess, for us both. Nothing can prepare you emotionally for the start of your first Born's schooling. It is a huge mixed bag of pride, happiness, sadness and worry. Pride that you have managed to get them in to a good school, happiness that they are going to make new friends and have new adventures, sadness that it is the end of an era and worry that you are now handing over your most treasured thing in the world to someone Else's care.

The first day was like a full on, out of body experience for me. It felt like it was happening to someone else, while I hovered just above looking down on it all. We gathered in the school hall waiting for the headmaster to give us a welcome speech, when I had my first flashback. I clearly heard one of my old teacher's 'beefy Graham'shout

"Conde, stop cloyning abite an sit dine nigh" (needs to be read with Belfast accent)
Closely followed by 'Porno Pete Atkinson' clipping me round the ear. I swear, I actually had the ringing in my ear afterwards it was so real.This couldn't be me, here, now with my own son could it? I still feel like a child myself most of the time and don't feel anywhere near old enough to have my own at school.At the same time though I felt an overwhelming surge of responsibility. Responsibility to encourage him through his school years, to try and help him develop an interest in learning and make him appreciate what he will get out of it with a little effort.

It was with some relief that we eventually left the main hall and the smell of the polished floor - the same smell at all schools in the world - and crossed the playing fields to Rafa's new classroom. The place that is going to start him on the path to greatness, Doctor, surgeon, lawyer or city high flier? Who knows what the future will hold for him? 'A' thinks he will be Albert Einstein while I am more inclined to think Lex Luther, but whatever path he chooses, I will always remember his first day at school. I will remember the look of joy on 'A's face, the look of fear on Rafa's but most of all the feeling of love and pride I felt at that moment for my little boy.